If you are looking at my Instagram or Facebook you could assume I am doing great! I love showing through pictures that I love the people here and I am quick to tell about the spiritual growth happening within me. However, while these things are true, there are a lot of things here that are really hard for me. Now don’t mistake this as complaining. I am so extremely grateful to be here and there is nowhere else I would want to be. I know that with these struggles come persistence and with persistence and endurance my relationship with God can only be strengthened (Romans 5:3, thanks Grandad for the reading recommendation) . But these struggles are hard for me and I don’t want to only show people the good. This experience comes with ups and downs and I am here to share it all.  

This is my first time being away from my parents for this long. Which comes with the struggles that I expected, like missing them constantly. But also things unexpected like missing their problem solving skills and experience (as much as it pains me to say it). No matter how independent I was at home, being in a completely new environment with no experience, makes me really wish I had my parents to lean on and to help me fix things. This has manifested itself into many ways but let me tell you one example. 

 Unfortunately, there has been a lot of rain here. There was one week where it was Wednesday to Wednesday, not a day without rain. Which comes with struggles I have never dealt with before. You see, I live in a tent and to sum up my experience of tent living during a week of rain, I will show you 3 quotes from my journal.

•  “It has been raining for days and my backpack and tent is growing mold, mold of all colors, white, green, brown, blue, and black! Wow what a rainbow of mold I am living in” 

• “I have mold on the bottom of my toothbrush but I am still using it because I would rather have mold on my teeth than plaque” 

• “After saying goodbye to one of my best friends here who decided to leave the race, I went to my tent in the rain to get different shoes. Squatting just outside my tent reaching in for shoes, I noticed that rain was collecting on top of my tent. So I went to get rid of it when half of it spilled on me. So I started crying. Then as I was crying I fell from squatting to my knees and in the process one of my poles collapsed and the rest of the water collecting drained into my body. So I stood up and balled.” 

Since then I have been able to get a new toothbrush and clean the water out of my tent, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is really hard to live outside. Especially when my parents aren’t here to tell me how to get mold out of my backpack or to tell me how to set up my tent the right way so no water collects. 

But with the struggles, I am already noticing myself being persistent and growing. When I don’t have my parents to lean on emotionally or physically, I am forced to lean on the Lord, myself and the people around me. For example, last night I killed a spider with my finger and didn’t have to ask someone else to come get it. And on a deeper note, I am learning to lean in to the Lord for joy. Like, on day 5 of rain I was so overwhelmed with joy that I was almost brought to tears because I was so happy that my tent wasn’t flooded. Or when the sun finally did come I’d never been more happy to go wash my clothes in a dirty bucket. I am learning that despite having earthly struggles, I can go to worship the Lord because every good thing is from Him and there are an endless amount of things I can praise Him for. 

Joyous stories coming soon!

-Mackenzie