Craving Control 

Today will be my first full day of my gap year and to celebrate, in our schedule we’re having 3 and half hours of silent time to reflect and journal around 10 processing questions. Three and a half hours is a long time to sit in silence, especially as someone who loves to talk and is so excited to meet and build relationships with the people on my squad. But I was also glad to have time to think and reflect on the fact that I left almost everything and everyone I know for the next 9 months. 

One of the questions that we were supposed to answer was as follows, “What do you need?”. And as I was meditating on this question and thinking about what I need and how I can make it happen I felt something land in my hair. I flicked it off and a bug landed on my paper. Then it pooped and now there were yellow dots scattered on my page. As I was looking at this bug that landed in my hair, I decided that what I desire is control. I want to be in control of where I am and what things are in my hair. I was to be in control of what I eat. I want to be in control of the amount of bugs in my tent. I want to be in control of the temperature of the water that I shower with. I want to be in control of what people think of me. I want to be in control of my path and what happens at my time here on the race. So, also while I was looking at this bug I realized that control was not what I needed. What I need and what I came here to do, is to lean into God and surrender the earthly control I am desiring. I need to lift up my craving for control to the Lord and trust that all I need is Him. 

Another one of the questions we answered was about how we will live out Luke 9:1-6 through this year. After reading the verse, the thing that I think I need to focus on living out right now is verse 3, He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt. Not only does this relate to me because I had to take very little for my journey (for the sake of the people I’m around I did opt to take 5 shirts instead of the one, however still a big downsize for me), but also because I think that when Jesus said this He was telling the disciples to give up control and trust the Lord with their journey. With nothing of their own and no control of their situation they are forced to completely lean into God. 

Enjoy some pictures I have taken on my digital camera so far! Featuring the ride to Gainesville, eating sandwiches and setting up tents, watching the sunrise, and our first breakfast.