Craving Control
Today will be my first full day of my gap year and to celebrate, in our schedule we’re having 3 and half hours of silent time to reflect and journal around 10 processing questions. Three and a half hours is a long time to sit in silence, especially as someone who loves to talk and is so excited to meet and build relationships with the people on my squad. But I was also glad to have time to think and reflect on the fact that I left almost everything and everyone I know for the next 9 months.
One of the questions that we were supposed to answer was as follows, “What do you need?”. And as I was meditating on this question and thinking about what I need and how I can make it happen I felt something land in my hair. I flicked it off and a bug landed on my paper. Then it pooped and now there were yellow dots scattered on my page. As I was looking at this bug that landed in my hair, I decided that what I desire is control. I want to be in control of where I am and what things are in my hair. I was to be in control of what I eat. I want to be in control of the amount of bugs in my tent. I want to be in control of the temperature of the water that I shower with. I want to be in control of what people think of me. I want to be in control of my path and what happens at my time here on the race. So, also while I was looking at this bug I realized that control was not what I needed. What I need and what I came here to do, is to lean into God and surrender the earthly control I am desiring. I need to lift up my craving for control to the Lord and trust that all I need is Him.
Another one of the questions we answered was about how we will live out Luke 9:1-6 through this year. After reading the verse, the thing that I think I need to focus on living out right now is verse 3, He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt. Not only does this relate to me because I had to take very little for my journey (for the sake of the people I’m around I did opt to take 5 shirts instead of the one, however still a big downsize for me), but also because I think that when Jesus said this He was telling the disciples to give up control and trust the Lord with their journey. With nothing of their own and no control of their situation they are forced to completely lean into God.
Enjoy some pictures I have taken on my digital camera so far! Featuring the ride to Gainesville, eating sandwiches and setting up tents, watching the sunrise, and our first breakfast.
I am really going to enjoy your post and I believe that God is going to teach me something through your journey keep those questions and comments coming I look forward to hearing more.
Blessings if safety.
Girl!!!! We are so excited for you!! Live big during this time. Take it all in!! We are praying over you every single day…especially that no more bugs poop on you. ?? It’s better than a bite, though!
Sending hugs your way!!
Amazing, Kenz!!! We are so proud of you and love you so much!!
Love you Kenz!??
Wow! So much already on day 1!! Love it!
You are just beginning your amazing journey. Loved to read how you are leaning in to trust and knowing God is with you each step of the way…enjoy!
Thanks for sharing sweet girl!
I’m already learning from you! What amazing inspiring insight, praying for you and excited for you!
Just WOW, sweet Kenz! We so appreciate your mature insight and your ability to communicate your feelings. We love you!
Have always loved and admired your energy! The beginning of an amazing experience. Thank you so much for sharing.
Definitely going to follow your posts MacKenzie and strive to gain insight, you know, without being away from all the comforts of home! Dig deep dear one ??
So amazing Kenz. I’m so going to enjoy your posts.????
Wow! You are off to an amazing start. I loved hearing what God is speaking to you on day 1 to Kay the foundation for the 9 months ahead. So proud of you! And so excited for you! I’m praying for you!
proud of you for saying yes and HONORED that we get to do this thing together!
Makenzie this is going to be such an amazing journey. I have enjoyed your insight so far. I had to have an illness to learn what you learned in one day. I’m truly excited for you and your team and look forward to your post and learning experiences. You all are in my prayers.
How exciting. I’m looking forward to hearing about your journey. I’m also often finding myself what you were actually able to take. How does one even take all they need for 9 months in a backpack?
Mackenzie,
You are learning a lot fast. Yielding to the Holy Spirit is extremely exciting. God will open doors for you and touch people’s lives through you in ways beyond your wildest dreams when you yield control and experience all He lays before you. The love and joy that overflows from your heart will bring hope to those around you. So excited for you. ????????????
The weird ????? At the end of my note we’re prayer emojis. Praying for you and your parents.
Ahhh… abandonment oftentimes starts with giving up control 🙂 “I need to lift up my craving for control to the Lord and trust that all I need is Him.” YES!!
It was so good to finally meet you. I love that you recognize the need to give up control so early in the race. Keep chasing after Jesus and surrendering to Him. See you at our next debrief.
Oh sweet Mackenzie, what a journey you are on and what a blessing you will be to everyone you come in contact with through all the channels. For you to seek God’s control instead of your own is wonderful so early in your journey. We love you lots and are so proud of you. I am praying daily for you.